Why Batman Sucks.

So anyone who read the Justice League vs. Avengers that I wrote may have picked up on a little bit of bias from me against Batman. Well in this article I plan to explain my hatred for him.

Batman has to be the third most recognizable superheroes in the world.  Behind only Superman and in my opinion Spider-man.  This in itself is odd seeing, as he was not even created as a “superhero” but more as a detective, being given the mantel of world’s greatest detective.

In this article, I will give 4 reasons for why Batman does indeed suck.

#4. I am going to assume that if you are reading this, you know that Batman is powerless.  He does not have super speed, strength, flight or other super powers to take care of his problems.  Now that is not a problem for me there are plenty of other “heroes” that do not have superpowers that I do not hate.  So what is my problem with this?  As most people could tell you Batman’s utility belt is probably is greatest tool. With that he can beat just about anyone because within is always the best tool for the job.  The understanding being that Batman preps for all of his big encounters and carries his best stuff around the rest of the time.  Ok fine.  Now here is my problem.  “Batman can beat anyone with enough prep time.” no not just his rouge gallery but every hero and villain ever created. All he has to do is gather enough information on his target and get all his toys together.  Two problems here, first what happens when he runs into an opponent on chance?  No prep time and only having his standard toys, he somehow can still beat them.  Second problem is his prep time.  Am I to believe that batman just takes the time out to plan his attack of every villain?  Let us take a made up scenario to see why this makes no sense.  Villain X is out to destroy Gotham and torment all it citizens.  In order to do this he sets up explosives and starts killing people.  Obviously, he tells the city his plans so batman knows what is happening.  However, batman has never encountered villain X before so he has no idea how to stop him.  Therefore, his two options are run in without a plan of plan while people are being killed.  Either way batman lets people die while planning his moves or he rushes in and should get his ass kicked.  But nope not Batman he already has what he needs and wins.

#3. Batman has some interesting villains to be sure but I feel the need to point something out here.  Good portions of Batman’s villains are nutjobs.  Not just oh their villains of course their crazy his villains are actually institutionalized.  Anyone else sees a problem here because I sure do.  Maybe the reason Batman seems so brilliant is that he is fighting crazy people. Maybe someone should write the truth about Batman and reveal that he’s actually a patient in Arkham and all these comics have been his hallucinations involving the staff and other patients.(If this has already been done please tell me because that’s the only Batman I need to read)

#2. Ok so I already made a point that Batman is not a good superhero but I am going to take this a bit more personal.  He is a horrible person. Not only does he have a screwed up life himself as Batman but also he decides to bring in a bunch of kids.  Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Barbra Gordon, Cassandra Cain, Stephanie Brown and of course his actual son Damian Wayne.  All of these characters were kids taken either in or in some way influenced by Batman to fight crime.  Batman has thought process seems to be that his life is clearly going great so he figures why not make these kids go down the same path.  So instead of getting a kid that just witnessed his parents die get some psychological help he puts them into a costume and sends them out to fight psychopathic villains.  This is whom kids are supposed to look up to and draw inspiration from.  That hardly seems like a good idea.  Jason Todd was blown up, Barbra Gordon was paralyzed, and most if not all of them are likely to suffer from a whole lot of mental issues. Does not sound like someone you want your kid hanging around with?  Also seems like there should be a bit of an investigation from child services going on.

#1. The #1 reason Batman sucks actually isn’t even a problem with Batman. The worst thing about Batman is simply the crazed fan boys that line up to do unspeakable things to him.  I am not talking people who just enjoy the character and buy the products but those that take it to that crazed level.  I mean I have my favorite character and I will buy comics that I would never read otherwise because he is in it.  Hell I even plan to buy some crappy Rebooks because they are going to be based off him.  However, if someone I am talking to says, “hey why do you like Deadpool, he’s a boring unfunny character that’s useless in the Marvel universe” I do not go much further than explain why I am interested in him.  Now with many many Batman fans it goes sooooooooooooo much further than that.  It turns into a sacrilege for me to say anything less than I love Batman.  In fact, one experience got me kicked out of a comic shop because the person behind the counter was one of these people.  I brought a bunch of books up to the counter and started chatting with the person behind me about some of the books we were each getting.  He suggested for me to pick up the latest Batman and all I said was nah I do not like Batman and all hell broke loose.  All I hear is the person behind the counter “WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU DON’T LIKE BATMAN.”  I went on to explain my position and by the end of it, there were three other people involved all in disbelief of my position.  Every one of which had to make clear to me that I “just don’t understand the character” and clearly, I do not read comics at all.  After about an hour of this the store employee decided, I should no longer be there and told me to leave.  I did not really care I simply dropped the books I was going to buy on the floor and walked away.  Trust me this is not the only time I have run into situations like this but it usually goes about the same.

Those are just a few of the many reasons why Batman sucks but trust me there are many more. I will now leave it open to all of those who want to give me your reasons for why he sucks or why “I just don’t understand him.”